


What it Feels Like

by PeridotWritesFic



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 07:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeridotWritesFic/pseuds/PeridotWritesFic
Summary: Logan and Patton keep arguing, and Logan decides to do something about it before he forgets what it feels like.





	What it Feels Like

Logan and Patton were arguing again.

They used to argue all the time over almost everything. They argued over what Thomas should prioritize in his life, they argued over how he should respond in different situations, they argued about the way they argued. And it wasn't just Thomas they argued over. They argued about each others appearance, they argued about how the common areas of the mind-scape should be set up, and they argued about how group interactions should go.

When they'd started dating they'd stopped arguing for a while. They'd avoided topics of discussion that might make them fight, they'd each compromised more than they should have and willfully ignored the way it was draining them.

However, the longer they stayed together, the more often the arguments began to occur. Soon they were arguing just as much, if not more than before, but it was different now. The feelings ran deeper now, the words stung more now, and the pain clouded their judgment even more.

Logan watched as Patton stormed out of the room, fuming all the way to his room before slamming the door behind him. That's how most of their arguments had ended recently, with one of them leaving, both of them upset, and no resolution reached. What had they been arguing about again?

Right, they'd been arguing over what they should eat for breakfast, Patton going for a donut and coffee and Logan insisting that he needed something healthier. He'd forgotten that Patton had a tendency to eat foods high in fat and sugar when stressed. With their argument, Patton hadn't eaten anything before leaving.

Logan sat down at the dining room table and put his head in his hands. It was the table Patton insisted on, that they'd fought over for hours. It was rather large, taking up too much of the limited floor space, but Patton had insisted because all four of them could sit at this one together.

Logan had pointed out that they rarely ate together, and if they chose to do so, could easily do so in the living room. Patton had dismissed that as too 'open', they wouldn't be facing each other and it didn't 'feel' right. So they'd gotten the large table, and it was difficult to move around in the small apartment space, but they'd had several 'family' meals there since and Logan had become fond of it.

He could do this, Logan thought. Much like the table, he could become accustomed to Patton and their relationship. He probably couldn't stop the arguments they had entirely, but he could reduce their frequency and make the ones they did have less harmful to them both. He just needed to find a way to communicate that to Patton before he gave up on them.

* * *

 

Logan knocked on Patton's door half an hour later, a tray of breakfasts foods (including half a donut) and a mug of coffee (extra cream and sugar) balanced on one hand and a cell phone in the other.

“Just a minute, kiddo,” the paternal side called through the door. Patton's voice sounded unnaturally high and strained, a soft sniff following the words. He'd been crying again, because of him. Logan had known it was a likely outcome of their argument, but the confirmation that he'd hurt Patton so much still made his insides twist unpleasantly.

Patton opened the door with a sunny smile and slightly puffy eyes. The smile faded and slowly slipped when he saw Logan. “Oh, Logan,” Patton's face shifted through a series of emotional expressions too quickly for him to categorize, “I was expecting...”

“Virgil,” Logan supplied, holding up the aforementioned side's phone which still glowed with the text he'd sent Patton, “I borrowed it. I did not think you'd open the door if you knew it was me, given my recent behavior.” The text read: “Hey, I made you breakfast. Can we talk?”

Logan extended the breakfast tray to Patton who took it, eyeing everything warily. The tray was arranged neatly and colorfully to make the food as appealing as possible. There was a small dish that held whole wheat toast smothered it in Crofter's raspberry jam. There were apple slices aligned around the edges of a plate with sausage, the donut half, and a scrambled egg sprinkled with cheese, chives, and a pinch of pepper. The coffee was in the #1 Dad mug, Patton's favorite.

“I did not lie. I did make you breakfast and included some comfort foods along with some healthy options that might appeal to you.”

Patton eyed the tray distrustfully for a couple more moments. Finally, he nodded to Logan, offered a quick “Thanks,” and shut the door in his face.

It wasn't great, but it was a start.

* * *

 

It was much harder to get Patton to leave his room. He'd had to enlist Virgil and Roman to help him create and execute a plan. The three of them had re-arranged the living room and changed the ceiling to look like a picnic under the stars. Logan had made sure the stars were accurate, Roman had provided the picnic basket and blanket, and Virgil had packed their picnic supper. Virgil had also been the one to point out the Roman would be the best one to lure Patton out of hiding since Logan had already used Virgil as bait once.

Logan sat on the blanket in the middle of the living room, waiting for Roman to do whatever he was going to do to get Patton out there. He was, nervous, a feeling he was familiar enough with to name but inexperienced enough to be uncomfortable with. Virgil walked by on the way back up to his room, gave Logan's shoulder a quick, reassuring squeeze and headed up the stairs.

“Come back with my glasses!” Patton yelled as Roman came thundering down the stairs, narrowly missing Virgil.

“You gotta come get them!” Roman yelled back. He carefully placed the glasses on the blanket next to Logan, gave him a wink, and sunk out to his room.

Logan watched in concern as Patton carefully made his way down the stairs, grumbling something about being blind as a bat and “Velma's got nothing on me”. Logan picked up the glasses and brought them over to Patton when he safely reached the bottom of the stairs. Patton was at least able to detect basic shapes and movement without his glasses because it only took him a bit of reaching about in mid-air to take the offered spectacles.

“I should have known,” Patton said with a wry smile as he put on his glasses. “Creativity would try to keep me from seeing the Truth.”

“Patton,” Logan began, “I...” the words stuck in his throat.

“You want to break it off with me gently. You set up a picnic under the stars and got the kiddos to help you so I wouldn't make a scene.” Patton's smile stayed, but it got more bitter with each passing moment and it never reached his eyes.

Patton's once sparkling, loving eyes were flat and empty and it was killing him.

“You don't need to worry, I get it, you tried. I'll tell Roman and Virgil that we ended things amicably, I won't drag you guys into it like what happened with _Guys and Dolls_ , so can we skip this part?” Patton's bitter smile finally fell, and it was somehow even worse. 

Logan did the only thing he could think to do, he hugged Patton and buried his face in his neck. He couldn't bear to look at the pain he'd caused anymore.

“I'm sorry Patton. I'm so sorry. We can't skip this part. I'm too weak, I can't give you up. I don't want to end this.”

Patton shifted and Logan clung tighter, silent tears dripping down his face and onto Patton's shirt.

“I _never_ wanted to end this. I want to fix this. I can't keep fighting with you like this. It hurts, it hurts so much Pat. It hurts when you tell me I can't understand how you feel, it hurts when I see how much I've hurt you.”

Logan felt tears on the back of his neck. He looked Patton in the eyes, both of them crying as he spoke.

“I don't want to hurt you anymore, but I can't give up on this without trying to fix things first. Will you try with me?”

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and laid his head on his shoulder. The two of them sank to their knees on the carpet, holding each other and crying out their pain.

* * *

 

Several hours later found them lying on the blanket, picnic finished, holding hands and stargazing. They'd worked on a few possible ways to stop future arguments before they began while they ate, and crying together had been a kind of bonding experience for them, but Logan had something niggling in the back of his mind that he needed to say.

“Patton?”

“Yeah, Lo?” 

Logan turned to face Patton, bracing himself on his elbow and Patton mirrored him.

“I love you, Pat.”

“I love you too, Lo.”

“Patton you,” Logan struggled for words, “you give my existence meaning. I know a lot, and I can reason to all sorts of conclusion, but you give me purpose and direction. You make me passionate, and you've taught me so much. You taught me the names of feelings and then how to experience them.”

Logan paused, appreciating the way the starlight shone in Patton's nice, lifelike and loving once more, “You've shown me what love can feel like.”

Patton pounced on him then, pinning him back to the blanket and peppering his face with kisses.

“That was,” a kiss on his cheek, “the sweetest” his forehead, “thing anyone” his nose “has ever said” his chin, “ever!” And Patton kissed his lips, making him completely forget to argue that point.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Hope you enjoyed this fic. I'd forgotten I wrote this one.


End file.
